Fredo, you never cease to impress. I’ll be doggone if I don’t detect influences of major American writers in your prose style. Your use of the term "gentle readers" seems right out of columns by the late, great, twin sister advice columnists Ann Landers & "Dear Abby," plus, my favorite, "Miss Manners." It speaks well of you to channel their graceful styles. Relatedly, I offer guidance from another noted advice columnist, Heloise. It’s for removing stains from hands and nails:
Make a thick paste of lemon juice and baking soda. Using a toothbrush, spread the paste over the stained areas and scrub gently. Be patient, prolonged scrubbing will be needed for deep stains. Rinse with warm soapy water. Repeat as needed. Apply moisturizer generously.
I'm told that this is the preferred treatment by professional cherry pickers.
Small thoughts at large:
• Chuck Berry turned 90 this past Tuesday. Hail, hail rock ‘n roll, seminal Chuck. You're the berries & the cat's pajamas. He announced a new album being released in 2017, his first new one in 38 years; all new songs.
• Speaking of music, I ask myself, "If they were musical instruments, what would Trump and Hillary be?"
Ans: Trump: kazoo – ear-catching and interesting but tolerable only in short doses. Hillary: lyre.
• And what I expect to be music to my ears: I think I’ve found a way to make the election both tolerable and profitable. I’ll be setting up a sanitizing stand at my polling place exit. Lots of hot water and soap, fresh-scented towels, mint and/or menthol candy drops, and Lysol-scented nasal spray. [Cash ONLY] I expect to be wealthy by Nov. 9, you know, supply and demand.
Franchises are available. Call now and I'll double the offer. [Just pay separate processing fee.]
Stan Hill - November 5
Fred Lucas - November 7
Gene Law - November 15
Raymond Kidwell - November 20
Delores "Cookie" Hill Brown - November 21
Patty Baker Anderson - November 24
Rick Swope - November 24
What a kind, caring, supportive and helpful nature you have, and what a pleasure to witness. I note that yet again you tried to provide aid and comfort to those in acute distress by advising them to "grow a pair." I have a question which I’m a bit reluctant to even ask since my situation seems no where nearly as dire and unsettling as those to whom you’ve made the suggestion, but I’ll ask anyway, confident that your magnanimity and good heart will understand. For my area of central Virginia, would your recommend the Bartlett, Bosc, Anjou or another variety. My need for this information is not urgent since I will not plant until Spring. But knowing nothing about growing a pair, I’d like to have time for study and procurement. I value your insight and thank you in advance for your guidance.